That No Longer Belongs To Me
If you were to hear these two sentences located below, what is the FIRST thing that comes to mind? Don’t over think.
That does not belong to me/That is not mine
That no longer belongs to mE/I no longer carry that anymore
Once you have thought of your answer, keep it or even share it with me later.
Today, We are going to distinguish the difference between things that we have been carrying that was never ours and the things we need to declare are no longer needed for the journey we are on.
We remember every flaw, mistake and shortcoming and start beating ourselves up about it. Our memories aren’t always fair to our hearts. – Rob Hill
It is to my knowledge that certain things (sound, smell, emotion, thought) have the potential to trigger a certain memory, whether good or bad. Once the process of remembrance has been set in motion, our mind tends to re-download memories of things, situations and people that we have tried our hardest to forget. My personal triggers had to be the decline in temperature, “winter break”, the New Year approaching and seeing old faces of people that I no longer wanted to be around.
Around this time some years ago, I was harboring in a lot of turmoil for the sake of other people. Carrying secrets, avoiding certain places and keeping a watch out for my surroundings because I wanted to avoid all questions, comments and concerns. If I had truly dealt with that situation and moved on from it, why do I still harbor in that anxiety as this season rolls around? If I have truly let go of it all, why am I still carrying the memory of that weight? I realized it was because I was used to carrying it. Over some time, these triggers revealed how I am still holding onto this made up idea that I have to carry things for others because of unexplained guilt or subconscious fear. That choice is STILL killing me today.
It’s not “selfish” but “self-full” to be as good as possible to myself first. I want to come to you with my cup full (my cup runneth over). What comes out of the cup is for you but what’s in the cup is mine. – Iyanla Vanzant
Friends. Family members. Strangers. Any and every person you can imagine has probably vented to you about something. Whether they wanted your opinion or just wanted you as a listening ear, they spoke their truth to you. Vulnerable and honest truth. Sometimes they tend to forget just how much those issues become a constant part of the conversation where it just seems like that is all they want to discuss.
See with me, I had a preconceived notion that complaining went hand in hand with venting. Someone who is always coming to other people about their problems cannot handle them on their own and can sometimes become the “Debby Downer” in the group. You know that once they come around they have something negative to talk about and people just don’t want to be bothered. This idea of what a “venter” looked like to some people stuck with me. So much to where I subconsciously turned off that aspect of my being and kept my thoughts to myself. I did not want to lose friends or be the odd man out in my groups because of my desire to want to disclose information with those closest to me.
On November 7th 2017, as a 23 year old woman, I FINALLY figured out why I cannot be open with those that I KNOW I can trust. I withheld and strongly stood on the belief that my loved one’s could care less about my issues because who wants to be around someone who “complains” and talks too much. This idea was never mine to begin with! I was carrying someone else’s ideas, baggage or perception around with me like a jacket that I purchased. I do not have to be a slave to that principle anymore because that was never how I really felt. I just allowed the warrants of others to solidify my own decisions and hinder my opportunities to voice my opinion.
Within that revelation, I not only found that I was carrying something that wasn’t mine but also carrying something no one asked me to. Something that needed to FINALLY be released. It was the idea that I had to be Superwoman for everyone around me. The idea that I had to have it all together because God forbid that I didn’t; everything else would have the potential to fall apart. It was the idea that I had to find strength to push people past their weakness and help them make great choices. This idea allowed me to carry the weight of pain and struggle on my back that was never mine. To bare the suffering and stress of finding solutions that wasn’t even for my benefit. It made me susceptible to energy (negative mainly) and spirits of anger about things that had nothing to do with me. Who told me to carry it you ask? Me. I felt like I HAD to be the glue, the tape, the rubber band holding onto God’s most prized possessions. In absolute fear that if I let go at anytime, they would let go and that wonderful being would be no more.
“I thought of this analogy. Imagine walking down the sidewalk behind someone on their heels. It is going to hurt. It won’t benefit them. Instead of doing that, stand on the sidewalk and watch them cross the street.” – Ms. Sinclair
I am afraid of the possibility of having to simply watch people cross the street. Not saying because I’m this perfect person or because they are inadequate of doing it themselves but simply because of what may happen IF they fall again. I am afraid that their faith in God and belief in themselves is not strong enough for them to look left, look right and then walk across the street safely. Ultimately, I am worried about their capacity to make new and healthier decisions to find a better route rather than settling in the discord on this side of the road. That they will just assume they have it all together all of a sudden then BOOM they’re hit YET again. I feel if I am not there to be on their heels, to have my hand on their back or to hold their hand, they won’t make it. I know it is not my job, it’s God’s job and pushing them to lean on Him should be enough. It’s just that, who wants to be yet another person that has left them high and dry in their moment of need. Though I know it’s not about me, I know that I’M not ready. I don’t want to let them down if they don’t make it or initiate the possibility of having to deal with that frustration by themselves.
I have to understand that in order for them to make it, I cannot be there to baby them but simply watch them crawl and walk alone.
I. Cannot. Be. There.
I. Cannot. & Will No Longer. Carry. What’s Not Mine.
I vote now to trust and believe in the power of those around me and pray that they will tap into the greatness that I see. I have to meet them where they’re at even if it is from another side of the street. This idea is a hard one hard one to accept but I know it is necessary.
In asking myself those questions, I instantly understood that carrying the weight, the burdens, the shame, guilt or even the anger for someone else is not beneficial to your sanity! Release it. Give it back. We have to allow people to grow within their own time, capacity and pray that they find the courage to stand on their own two feet. No longer on our bruised and beat up back. Be mindful of the conversations you have with friends because constantly dumping your negative points on their shoulders can do more harm than good to the friendship and taints their idea of how they should show up as your friend.
So I say let go. Be free beloved. Put down that rope and end that game of tug of war. You cannot save everyone but provide what you are only strong enough to give. Carrying the weight and fixing their mess takes away their lesson of building resilience. Give them back what’s theirs. No longer believe that someone else’s “stuff” is yours and don’t allow what you’ve already let go of to resonate in your present situations. The reality that you create is yours.
Their reality, does not belong to me and I no longer wish to pick it up at the baggage claim. I have my own luggage to shuffle through.
If You Get One Vote, Vote For You
Until next time
